So I did three posts about the three most important women in my life, but I missed someone out and it wasn’t right of me to do so. And I’m sorry to say that I didn’t realise this until I spoke to him. Writing this, I am worried that it’s not going to have the same effect but I couldn’t not write one, it felt wrong to just leave it.
My father, Martin Richard Mark Crumpton, may not be female but he sure as fuck cries at films like one, I get my emotions from him, he is to blame for my overreaction to Lilo and Stitch. Actually a very important quote fits what I was sayin, “Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.”
I will be honest like I am in all my posts, I haven’t been as close to my dad as I have been to my mum. We have had our ups and downs and it has been very hard, it’s difficult to not feel somewhat distanced from him. My mum has always said that we clash a lot because we are so similar and as I grow older I can see that a lot more. Things won’t be perfect in a snap but I can feel us getting better as time goes on. While we are very similar, we are very different too, I’ve felt like he doesn’t fully understand my mental health issues and it’s very hard to explain them as well and it’s really what in my eyes has put that small divide between us because I can’t connect with him with that part of me. And I think he understands this, I think he knows that I will turn to mum first because I feel more comfortable talking about my panic attacks and anxiety with her because she has gone through it herself. It has been hard, so hard and at times he has made me scream and yell and go crazy and I have done exactly the same to him, it’s one of our many similarities. And while this seems a weird way to start of a dedication post, he has also shaped me into what I’ve become today.
My dad may not really understand this brain of mine but he does care and does want to make things better and he does try. As I grow up it’s easier to see that, as a teenager I was blind and angry and frustrated because I didn’t know what was happening to me. My father has always been the one I turn to when I need someone to be set straight. He is very very protective of me and Ella and we know that if anyone crosses us, they will answer to him and they will pay. He will not hesitate to tell teachers when their being unfair fuckers and he will negotiate the best deals for our phones, both sides of the spectrum you see. He’s always had a talent for fighting for us. We were even discussing today how he will talk my second year landlords for me and Hannah because we’re having trouble with them and I know that he will get it sorted for us and he will continue on until he wins. He’s not one to give up.
My dad and I do bond over special things together though, like tears at movies. He is actually why I’m such a movie freak now. It started when we sent a weekend watching all the Godfather’s when I was 13/14 and then it progressed into a regular thing over the summer when he had time off that we would sit down and he would introduce to something new and he is why I am so obsessed with Scorsese. When the summer ended and he had to go back to working, i would carry on watching every film we owned after school, and trust me that was so much. So so so much. I did decide to skip over a few of his Korean and Japanese horrors because no one wants to see that. Except him clearly.
When ever I go over to his place now I will bring over films I like and know that he will like, just so i can get some of that part of us back, films are a massive thing for me because a lot of my happiest moments with my dad were connected to films.
Especially when we’d go and see every Harry Potter film together each year without fail at the cinema.
There’s also our music. Specifically Muse. The second Muse’s latest stuff comes out we’re discussing it and fangirling and it’s these moments that mean a lot to me. And he will send me the odd Dear Hunter track that he knows will be of my taste and will let me play my iPod in the car to show him stuff he would enjoy. We know what each other likes and even though it’s little it does mean a lot to me.
I can’t write about my father without mentioning West Bromwich Albion. Me and my dad would go to countless matches when I was younger and it always felt like such a treat just have this for me and him. I really miss those days. Our football days were the best days, we were so close and happy. Even though i am not as into football as I used to be, I still will say that I support WBA to anyone that asks me. Because it’s the team that gave me a lot of memories to share with my dad. I met the team so many times and I was one of those little mascot kids on an FA Cup Semi-Final for them once, I was on BBC 1 bitches. West Brom will always hold a special place in my heart.
I don’t do this sort of thing for my Dad as much as I should have. I can be thoughtless, it would be like him writing something for Ella and not writing something for me.
Even though we have been through a hell of a lot of shit over the years I hope and pray I can get back the relationship we had during the football days. I miss it, a lot.
P.S. Look at Ella in this LOL: