I haven’t written on here in a long time, I’ve been so caught up in uni that I’ve just plain forgotten. But better late than never.
I’m sitting here at half 1 in the morning starting this post with know real knowledge on what it’s going to be about but I’ll get there hopefully. I haven’t been sleeping a lot recently so I might as well use this time to do something productive.
I’m feeling quite lost right now, I don’t know what to do with myself, I am not feeling 100%, I haven’t felt 100% since getting here really. I just exist.
God this is such a depressing post I’m sorry I just need the weight to come off me.
I’m homesick, I never thought I’d love Essex this much until I was away from there. I love the shithole, it’s where my family is, it’s where Vin is, it’s where I can be my weird, unstable self without worrying about being judged. Here I feel like I have to wear a mask so that people don’t think I’m a freak.
I thought I had someone who understood me and would always be there but I was wrong, like many others in the past I’ve scared them away by being myself.
I’m just glad I have Hannah and Tom, those to do not even realise how much they mean to me right now, they’re the only real good things I have here, and God I need them so much and I’m so happy they’re here with me.
I’m going home soon though and it’s gonna be amazing. I’m going to be with my family and my pets – god i miss the animals – and I’m gonna see Vin, I’m actually gonna see her and annoy her and bug her until the second I’m forced to come back to Leicester.
Southend might be small compared to Leicetser but it will always be better in my eyes because they are there, the people I love are there.